Im 23 years old. I fell in love with a girl who was a virgin. She loved me with everything she had. She talked of kids and marriage( I know she meant every word). I was the most horrible person to her. I did her love her but I just had a lot of problems. I cheated on her a couple of times with my ex and lied about things. I eventually figured out that I was/am a sex addict. Everytime I cheated or lied to her I hated myself more and more but the cycle kept on. She tried for 2 long years trying to get me to go to counseling and everything. She finally left me 4 months ago. I dont blame her(she was just trying to be happy), but as the days pass I realize more and more how much she actually means to me and how lucky I was. Everyday I hate myself for what I did to her. She is the most beautiful thing to grace my life. My heart feels as if I will never be happy with myself again for the pain i caused(I guess i deserve this). If I only had one more chance I would try so hard and if it didnt work i could live with that but just knowing that I was so fucked up and stupid about it in the past just leaves me up in the air. So I guess a life of misery is what lays ahead of me. I just hope im strong enough to eat the sorrow everyday and not kill myself and take the easy way out. I love you so much, If I could die and take back all the bad things I would in a heartbeat. I may find someone again but I know they wont compare to you or love me as much as you did. Everyday I’ll think of you and when I lay down to sleep youll always be on my mind. You are the one for me and you know that but your in a new relationship with one of your old friends( i think its just for comfort).I hope you come back to me one day when im more put together and let me show you who i really am. Its gonna be so hard to hear about when you get married, and when you get pregnant by another man. Im sure when I hear the news I’ll fall to the ground and cry. Im getting a tattoo with the words “Im sorry” just in case I ever forget the pain I caused you. Best wishes love of my life.
Thursday, April 2, 2009
cheater
Im 23 years old. I fell in love with a girl who was a virgin. She loved me with everything she had. She talked of kids and marriage( I know she meant every word). I was the most horrible person to her. I did her love her but I just had a lot of problems. I cheated on her a couple of times with my ex and lied about things. I eventually figured out that I was/am a sex addict. Everytime I cheated or lied to her I hated myself more and more but the cycle kept on. She tried for 2 long years trying to get me to go to counseling and everything. She finally left me 4 months ago. I dont blame her(she was just trying to be happy), but as the days pass I realize more and more how much she actually means to me and how lucky I was. Everyday I hate myself for what I did to her. She is the most beautiful thing to grace my life. My heart feels as if I will never be happy with myself again for the pain i caused(I guess i deserve this). If I only had one more chance I would try so hard and if it didnt work i could live with that but just knowing that I was so fucked up and stupid about it in the past just leaves me up in the air. So I guess a life of misery is what lays ahead of me. I just hope im strong enough to eat the sorrow everyday and not kill myself and take the easy way out. I love you so much, If I could die and take back all the bad things I would in a heartbeat. I may find someone again but I know they wont compare to you or love me as much as you did. Everyday I’ll think of you and when I lay down to sleep youll always be on my mind. You are the one for me and you know that but your in a new relationship with one of your old friends( i think its just for comfort).I hope you come back to me one day when im more put together and let me show you who i really am. Its gonna be so hard to hear about when you get married, and when you get pregnant by another man. Im sure when I hear the news I’ll fall to the ground and cry. Im getting a tattoo with the words “Im sorry” just in case I ever forget the pain I caused you. Best wishes love of my life.
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